They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
