You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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