You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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