I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
