Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Life is so much better after having sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
