so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
