i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
