i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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