Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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