How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
