she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
