Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
