In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
