I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
