Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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