ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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