help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
