I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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