Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
