So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
