I'm drive I can fine osifer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
