you guys were way drunker than both of me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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