If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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