How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
