I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Vodka?
Forever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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