Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize