I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
