My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
