I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
