I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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