The maid of honor just puked.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
