Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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