Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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