remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
