I just made out with a guy for $7.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Bring me that man meat
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
