Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
