you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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