What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
