Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
