you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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