I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
