I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
