I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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