I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
