I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i think my cat just said my name.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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