I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize