If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
