if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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