OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
