I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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