eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
