Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
