I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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