don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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