I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
