You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
