Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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