So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
