At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I FOUND THE LEGS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
