i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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