You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
