dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am naked and annoyed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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