Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
