I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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