You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
