remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
