I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
