Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
