I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
