Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
