i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
