Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
