I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize