my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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