How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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