I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize