so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize