3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
