i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
