If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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