TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize