Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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