You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
