There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Fuck appropriateness.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
