her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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