Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
people are starting to question the shark bite story
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
