I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
