if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
