I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
