I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
